Hello

Can't sleep, so I shall blog..

Thank God for today's mission training really helped me to put things back in perspective. Today we talked about emotions.. how relevant to me...We shared about how emotional we are and how we express it in different situations. Emotions are affected by our physical being, environment and our beliefs/doctrines. The way we can control our emotions is by changing our beliefs and doctrines. I always thought feelings and emotions could not be controlled.. when we feel down, depressed, happy it is all part of who we are.. true.. yet at times it can get out of hand because we have lack of self control. I'm a person who thinks a lot. so when i get emotional I can think for hrs and get depressed.. and coil myself in a shell...drown myself with self made lies, and other things.. But after today, I realise that.. this is somethign I have to stop.. it is controllable to an extent. A lot of the times we make things bigger than it is, is because of our mind and what we deposit it. So starting from today, hopefully I will deposit God's truth into my mind. We often know the scripture verses well, but how often do we actually deposit it into our hearts and actuall take it in...sometimes ido.. but very often im drowned in my own thoughts...

This was evident in the past week, I really didn't want to go on missions, i kept thinking about missing melbourne the ppl, my home etc and coming back n everything will change... keep thinking about the dirtiness of the place.. etc.. and it seriously made me very depressed.. cried many times.. to the point i didn't want to apply for visa and do my passport..my emotions took over my mind and actions.. and I thank God He put me back on track.. or else I prob wouldbe missed hte opportunity to go because I deliberately did things so i couldnt go...how selfish of me.. Sorry..

After today I have to remember what God has promised me, ministry, spouse, etc. His words are still dwelling in my mind.. and I have to take it more seriously. When God puts words into our life.. have to live by it. Can't do things impulsely because of our emotions. Feelings are really deceiving, very unreliable.. must go by God's words.. Feelings can change.. come and go... when things are done by our emotions.. we are not aligned with God but with our own flesh and desires... soo hard to conquer, but thank God for his words.. which can help us fight this warfare.. Whenever i get emo again.. ill try n not talk to ppl about it.. be dependent on others but depend on God's words for guidance and comfort...

I pray that today's message will stay with me, so often I get distracted by the way i feel.. sighhh.... soo weak.. wish i was stronger and can stand on top of things..

Had BGR talk today, when a girl falls in love her IQ is ZERO, so true... we're so blinded to see things clearly, I really hope this won't affect ministry..

SELF CONTROL.. something I lack, God please forgive me.. I know I have doen a lot of things that hasnt been pleasing to you.. (eg ball). I really hope I can be a better person. God is moulding, refining me.

Gnite! sorry such a long post heheh dont think ppl would read everything

Hello..

Getting pretty stressed right now, trying to book tickets but most of them are gone or over $2000, man each time I check i t gets more experience, arghh. God if you want me there you will pave a way for me, but right now man it seems pretty impossible. Went to travelling agencies, some of them didn't even check and just said no seats... argghhhh

Man there are a whole heap of things to do (reminder for myself):

renew my passport

get vaccines (eek)

travel insurance

find tickets sighh

visa ...

and prob more

and need to make a group for cell group hehehe mann im so noob i dont get how to create it...

It's like a tug of war in my mind, I'm getting stressed over the tickets but at the same time I don't really mind if i dont go.. just stay here where it's all comfortable :) but then yeahh sighh dunno how to explain it.

One thing I am fearing is when I come back from missions, worried that things will change, come back to church n everyones left, family all diff, friends all diff, i dont know why i have this fear.. weird.. I dont want to come back and feel all foreign, cos 2.5 months seems pretty... long...

Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything

 1 There is a time for everything,
       and a season for every activity under heaven:

 2 a time to be born and a time to die,
       a time to plant and a time to uproot,

 3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
       a time to tear down and a time to build,

 4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
       a time to mourn and a time to dance,

 5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
       a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

 6 a time to search and a time to give up,
       a time to keep and a time to throw away,

 7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
       a time to be silent and a time to speak,

 8 a time to love and a time to hate,
       a time for war and a time for peace.

Psalm 27: 13-14 13

I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

At times it's so hard, we are blurred by our circumstances, sometimes we get emotional over little things and we wonder why...We cry out to God for his guidance because we are so lost in our sitatuations yet we still feel the same afterwards. I don't know lately, just haven't been sleeping too well, been waking up in the middle of the night feeling really depressed. Keep thinking about things, keep thinking about the future..I don't know how to express it but there's always this pain my heart.. I don't know what it is.. it's just more intense now during the fast...and it's making me extra extra emo. I don't know why but I'm feeling more distant to my friends...I can't share a lot with people who are closer to me, trust issues? or is it because I'm questioning the strength of the friendship.. Sometimes I feel i put in too much effort to them, and it's not mutual, I don't get the same support back. Is it selfish of me? or am i thinking too much...Or maybe they don't see how much I've done..is it bad of me to think you will only know your true friends when you're in strife..only the people who care about you the most will be there by ur side.. sighh... although it is comforting to know I can rely on God, the greatest friend of all Proverbs 18:24 "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother".

Have to keep reminding myself, there's a time for everything, and gotta keep positive because one day I will see the goodness of the Lord. Just gotta be patient and wait..Time is probably one of the greatest gifts God has given us, so we have to use it wisely, I'm trying not to waste my time thinking about the issues, other people, but devote it to God and what He wants me to do..